“All the characters and events in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author. While the locations Delhi, Philadelphia are actual, events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes. “
“Love is not a fairy tale always “
- Biswajit Sundara
Sometimes life becomes a strange exaltation that was indefinable and sometimes it drives you to a miserable one. Nobody knows when and how life will speak to you.
My life had stuck around unknown faces on a strange soil. Every time the cold breeze passed by me it whispered I was not one of them. It seemed like everyday I was in search of my own existence that I had lost somewhere in the super shining, ultra luxurious vanity fair. A never ending enduring disposition. I had no one to blame. It was completely my decision. I had dreamt of this and I made it. Then why I did not feel the thrill of success? The truth is where the quest for success ends from that point the quest for happiness starts. In the process of achieving your goal you never know what you are loosing and what you are gaining. In the procession to my goal, I never realized that I was leaving my happiness behind me. She was away far far away. Whenever I imagine, her tearful eyes come to my vision.
Down the memory lane, I could still remember those beautiful days. We were naughty we were sweet , we used to be extremely close, we were best pals. Life was great those days meeting happiness at every point of time. In our farewell party, I delivered a speech about my dreams and goals that had set by me. When friends encouraged me with a huge round of applause, my eyes searched her cheerful face, for my surprise her seat was empty. I couldn’t spot her, she was no where around. I returned home with a happy-sad feeling. Happy because I was on my way to chase my dream , and sad because I didn’t find my friend to celebrate the joy. It’s not important whether you are happy or not, sometimes it becomes more important whether you have anyone with whom you can celebrate, you can dance few rhythmic steps in tunes of the triumphal success.
The door was slightly ajar and my body was lying on the bed facing the roof. I could sense the sky next to the roof. Since childhood I had been always ambitious, searching for something always. Kind of spirit to touch the sky. Not a bad quality to possess, I think. Many people seek it and I had it. I felt someone entering slowly into my room from the shadow that could be seen on the roof. It was Ruhi.
Lots of questions were in my mind, but my lips just forgot to move seeing her wet eyes. We were sharing such a relationship where one’s happiness lies on the other. We were that much close to understand one another’s emotions very well. I had to ask the reason of her tears.
Me: Were you crying?
Ruhi: No,…why would I cry?
She said wiping some tear drops around her eyes.
It’s a universal truth the first answer that girls deliver always a lie. Nobody knows the reason, why? Only girls can answer this. But Ruhi never lies to me, if she is doing today then there is something… my heart said from inside me.
Ruhi: when you are leaving?
An attempt to change the topic. Second well known feature of girls. Now definitely there is something…my heart said again.
Me: Next week, Why…?
Though It was clearly visible she was upset but I did not repeat the question. I kept myself going with the flow of conversation. If you ask then you will not get. If you don’t ask, they will tell you the whole thing.
Ruhi: Don’t you think, I should have informed?
Me: Oh, now I got it. Actually I wanted to give you a surprise.
Ruhi: Surprise or shock.
Me: Shock!!!! Aren’t you happy that I am going abroad for higher studies?
Ruhi: Can’t you stay here, why are you leaving?
I never imagined a single day without you.
Me: It is not going to be easy for me also but there’s a saying “You loose some, you get some” don’t worry we will be in touch always.
Ruhi: Ufff! You don’t understand what I am trying to say.
Things get complicated when two close friends don’t understand each other‘s saying speaking in the same language.
Me: What are you saying then?
Ruhi: Actually…actually….you know…I…I…
Repeating words is the sign of nervousness. Seeing Ruhi nervous was quite unusual for me. She had been my partner in all my pranks. Her innocent side was unknown to me. Though she looked sweet with her innocence but the very thought she was nervous in front of me , yielded so many questions in my mind.
Me: Ruhi, Can you tell me please what has happened?
Ruhi: “I love you” Suddenly she said averting her eyes and I got stumped
I was in shock for a moment; I couldn’t understand how to deal with that. What to say and what not. I never thought on this. I know people move around love and affairs at my age but love was not in my schedule. I had no time for love and no space for any commitment. We both fell silent; I can say an awkward silence got spread all over the room.
Me: Ruhi, are you serious?
Ruhi: Yes and I don’t want you to go away from me.
This is the human nature, whom you love, you become demanding to him. There is nothing wrong.
Me: Ruhi, I respect your feelings. In fact you are the sweetest part of my life but I never thought on this.
Ruhi: Then think now? She said in a muffled voice
Me: I can’t Ruhi, in my life I have to do lots of things. I don’t have space for any commitment. I guess this is just an attraction. We stay together always, so it made you feel that you love me. Nothing is like this, after some days you will find this one funny.
I tried to appear more mature than her.
Ruhi’s face reddened with embarrassment. She rolled her eyes slowly but said nothing.
Me: Things will be changed over time, nothing to worry about it, and by the way you are coming to airport or not?
Ruhi looked straight into my eyes. I never able to interpret that look, I knew those innocent eyes spoke million words silently but may be I was not literate enough to read her emotions. When love is not reciprocated, it appears as a defeat. When one expresses love feelings to another in friendship, the relation experiences a drastic change. Reciprocation of love leads to a stronger bond, other one heads to the death of the relation and welcomes you to the funeral of friendship. Why this happens? We always say everything should be expressed in friendship then why all this? Can’t a friend express what he/she feels for the other one? This is because it causes emotional anguish when rejected by someone you love and if the person is your friend who knows everything about you…doesn’t accept your feelings, then it drives your mind to the question do you really have anything good in you to be loved or not. The pain is unbearable, it kills, makes you feel you are a worthless piece among all the precious items of this world. Instead of remaining an object of pity in the eyes of the other one, people quit from the relation. That’s better but not always. Ruhi left giving a fleeting glance without saying any second thing to me, and I was standstill.
In the following days, she never called me, nor answered hundreds of my calls. It was not easy for me to stay away from her, I went to her place and inquired about her sudden disappearance, her mother communicated the only message that she had left to her uncle’s place in that vacation. I was surprised finding that she hadn’t left any message for me. I knew she was hurt but was it my fault? I didn’t have much time to think over all these emotional stuffs. I waited for her at the airport expecting her to appear anytime. She didn’t come nor send any message. She just disappeared from my life. A little pain resided in my heart that I lost a great friend of my life. But the name of life is to move on and I had no time to look back.
Philadelphia, a city of dreams where I had to write my own success story. I was not landed alone, with me my dreams and ambitions also landed there. I worked hard from college to university and finally all my efforts earned me a high earning job, an opulent life displaying luxury and furnishing gratification to the senses. I started living a life that many people dream of. I believed I was happy but I never realized how I had been befriended with loneliness. I couldn’t fathom out what was wrong but something was not right somewhere. As the day passed I started realizing the emptiness in my life. I didn’t find anyone to fill the void created by Ruhi, my eyes might have refused to capture the sight of anyone else. White chicks never touched the spheres of my interest nor short skirts and revealing outfits succeed to get my eye balls. I was unknowingly searching Ruhi there, strange is the language of life isn’t it?. From my experience I would say you don’t care anything, when you are in the journey to reach your goal. It’s the time when you reach the destination and find no one with you, then you feel the pain, you look back but the path covered by you is so long that you never find anyone. Can’t we walk with someone? Do we have to reach our destination alone? What importance does that success carry, which is not capable to yield some happiness? I had faced lots of questions in my life, I dealt them courageously but I had no answer for these questions. The stars of sorrows and pain introduce themselves when life sleeps under the sky of loneliness. Life becomes beautiful with a lovely companion, everybody needs a companion, and this is the prime reason why marriage is a custom in our society. Behind the biological needs, there is need for a life time companion. Those beautiful moments spent with Ruhi played in my mind itself. I repented for that decision. People exist in this world who don’t respect love, they deny the necessity of romance. In everyone’s life a point comes when they understand without romance life is like a dry leaf lacking the juice, dull and lifeless. Ambitions, dreams do have priority but we can’t deny the necessity of love in our lives. I searched many social networking sites, but couldn’t able to trace out Ruhi. I lost myself among millions of Ruhi profiles. Who to select, was a difficult task for me. It had been 10 years after all , taking the name of God, I selected some profiles randomly, asking them for confirmation. Suddenly my mobile beeped.
Me: Hello
Boss: Bonjour…can you come to office for a while.
My French boss, short, prehensile and avaricious . She had all qualities to be in her seat.
Me: Bonjour….boss I will be there in 10mins.
When you get a job, you start living two lives one is personal and other one is professional. You can die in your personal life but you can’t die in your professional life, they will dig and pull you out from some feet under the surface.
My boss assigned me a job to meet a client. I had set my mind in an other way. Before getting influenced by any other thought I put my resignation on her table. She just became speechless.
Boss: If you don’t want to work on Sundays, It’s ok. You can go home but what this resignation is all about?
Me: No, I don’t want to be here, I am leaving.
Boss: Very soon you are getting promoted as branch head; Opportunities like this don’t come always.
Me: It’s ok, but I have decided.
Boss: You are a worthy asset of my company, Tell me what do you want,
Je ne peux pas vous laisser comme ça ( I can’t leave you like this.)
I had something in me, for which I climbed the ladder of success in a short span of time, that takes long years for others to achieve.
Me: No maam, I don’t have any wish now, I am leaving for India.
Boss: In that case, you can take holiday for some days. Away from work devote your time to rest and pleasure, then you can start your work afresh.
Me: No I will never come back.
Boss: if you have made up your mind then what can I do?
Me: Thanks a lot boss.
Boss: vous allez nous manquer(We will miss you)
Have a great life ahead.
While coming out from the office premises, I felt like releasing from a cage. I felt free, I felt a freshness, a newness in my life. A new energy spread all over and revitalized me instantly. As I got into my flat, I saw a message popping on my laptop screen. For a second my whole body froze, It happens when someone crosses the threshold of happiness. My heart was beamed with joy. It was Ruhi’s message.
I saw her mobile number in the scrap. Without waiting for anything my fingers touched the digits of mobile keypad.
Ruhi: Hello
I couldn’t able to utter a word
Ruhi: Hello!! Hello!! Helloooo!!!
I felt I got everything hearing her sweet voice.
In a lonely deserted life, love flows like a river, promising you to bring the green, as the river Nile had favored Egypt.
What to say? How to say? My tongue just became unmovable. I was the stupid one who came away leaving her. I didn’t know whether she had any place for me in her life.
Ruhi: Is it Biswajit?
Girls have sixth sense, it was proved.
Me: Yes
Ruhi: Oh God! Can’t you speak?
By the way how are you? You remembered me after such a long time.
She went on with a lot of questions….She hadn’t changed a bit.
I wanted to tell her “Shhhhh! Shhhhh!! Ruhi , Ruhi Listen to me… I love you “ like how Indian star Sahrukh Khan does in romantic flicks. Girls don’t like cheesy lines, I knew that
Me: I am in Philadelphia , now
Ruhi: Why are you taking so much time to answer, Are you ok?
After this question we both fell silent letting the breaths speak to each other. She could hear only my breaths of varying frequencies and I could hear hers. Again she repeated.
Ruhi: Are you ok?
She said in a caring and in such lovingness that touched my heart so deeply. That time I just hated myself for hurting Ruhi in the past because of my ambition. Her two words soothed the pain, brought me the pleasure for which I had been roaming here and there like a vagabond.
Ruhi: You called me after a long time but you are not saying anything. What happened to you?
I didn’t know what happened to me, tears started rolling down from my eyes, my throat choked in an attempt to release more words that I was capable of.
Me: Ruhi, I am coming to India, coming to you, then we will talk, I am unable to say anything right now.
Ruhi: Seriously!!! When will you come?
She sounded very happy like a person who got his lost treasure after a long search.
Me: Tomorrow
Ruhi: Ok ..I will be there to receive you.
Me: Thank you
Ruhi: My pleasure
Me: Ok. Bye for now
Ruhi: Bye…take care
The journey towards something is very easy but the return path is not that much easy. Because every distance is associated with time. You had spent time to reach there. Now you seek time to return back. Though I was pleased after talking Ruhi. The strokes of happiness raising new new dreams, I had a little fear, what if I go to India and see Ruhi holding someone else’s hand. It’s a known fact, Love is a message that comes from a heart and needs another heart to receive it. If you are not the recipient then surely someone else will be. Whatever I wanted to see Ruhi, I vowed to bring her back in my life. I saw a girl’s picture hanging on my bedroom’s wall and imagined her as Ruhi, Suddenly she came out of the picture with a endearing smile, I stared at her with amazement, she giggled, her giggle became a big hearty laugh, one that was loud and musical at the same time. That laugh was one of my favorite things about her ,as I went to touch her hand…. She disappeared like a shot. The night passed sleepless recollecting the fragments of old memories and envisaging her. I was on the flight next morning.
The fastest moving transport seemed like a cart to me. When you have urgency to meet your love, your heart wants to cross million miles within a second. My flight landed at Delhi Airport. It’s always good to be around known faces. The smell of my soil, the familiar figures, familiar noise, and familiar objects every where . The feeling was unexplainable. My feet ran towards the gate. My heart was galloping like a horse. I was dying to see her pretty face. As I reached, my eye balls moved randomly to spot her, I saw a girl standing with my name plate. It was a brumous December evening. She wore a blue salwar kameez with some spectacular design works, dangling ear rings, she looked divine. I waved my hand to her, she grinned seeing me and raised her hand in response. Our eyes met and locked. Somebody came, put a machine on my mouth and left. We were lost looking each other. My feet started to move slowly towards her, from the other side she came forward to reduce the distance. I was very close to her, Some guards came and pulled holding my shoulders from back. I was in trance, I was not in a state to understand what was happening, It was when Ruhi disappeared from my sight, I realized and asked about this. They informed me I was affected by swine flu, so they hadn’t allowed me into India. I knew what swine flu was? In that case I didn’t want to put Ruhi’s life at risk. She pleaded to officials, but no body allowed her. I could see her blurred image from the window glass. Immediately I was sent to hospital by a special van. After one or two days, I am going to close my eyes for forever. I might have taken infected swine meat without my knowledge, and the result is in front of you. The F-land and F-culture has everything to allure you, but one day you will realize all that glitters is not gold. It’s very easy to disjoin yourself from the roots of your culture but it’s not that much easy to get yourself joined back. Points to ponder here is if you betray your own land, then you must not be forgiven. Whatever the reason of my punishment, the fact is that I am going to die a worst death happened ever. I wanted to take Ruhi in my arms, I wanted to cup her face and say I love you Ruhi…More than you ever imagine, I value your company to the highest point. But Life doesn’t give you a second chance, it’s a very common philosophy. What if we could go back to past and undo our doings.. Life doesn’t have back control, it goes only in forward motion. To my rue, the faulty decision cost me everything, even my life. Love stories witnessed many miracles in the past, I am expecting one to happen.
Ruhi we will meet in our next birth.
