My dawn starts hoping our meeting
Heart knows you but not knows where you can be found
Sun sees my conscientious search of you
And my strange request him not to disappear before our union
He says the spark of love is so bright, brighter than him
I have been living with the hope of meeting you
Though it interrupts my search when the world’s consciousness gets suspended
But I never let my search to die
My quest lives in the house of peace and tranquility
Expectations believe in utmost possibility
For years I have never been in dreamless slumber
With boundless imagination, I dream of you, I dream with you
Diurnal rhythms of love give me courage
I have heard of you from not known divine forces
It says our thoughts are alike, the dreams are alike
The source of my happiness is thoughts of yours "
I have faith on the divine forces of love.
The quest will end one day
Spaces will be reduced and you will come to visibility
I am thrilled with the thought of our union
The soul of mine is waiting for its mate
Omens are saying you have started your journey
I could see shadow of yours
Get transformed from the shadow, give a face to my imagination
Appear before me before I close my eyes
The law of universe wants us together
Wants us to be lost in the heavenly embrace to eternity
I Hope you are listening my soul mate
Omens? Nice indeed.!!
ReplyDeleteYour character is lacking only one thing, i.e. Struggle. In fact its longing for her doesn't make any impact. That feeling is same for two opposites. I will say, it only depicted the superficial expression. You should have gone more deep into that, beyond physical obligations. Anyway words like divine are very common now, it need to be replaced with something more common words which are touchy. Yours is more expressive than Symbolism.
I remember a story: There were two great poets. One Poet said to another I have written Poem on God and Love of 1000 Lines and it took me 3 years to write. The other poet said to the first, i wrote a small poem on a small child playing in garden. The first poet smiled upon him. After the death of both poets, almost 1000 years later, the poem on a small child was sung in all the streets and people even remembered the poet's name. the First poet's 1000 line poem was forgotten and lost.
That all depends on your genre of writing. I think Symbolism poems have more long lasting impact. You were true that you will hate your first Poem, so will be this. but today also if i read my first poem, I see new meanings in that and try to understand, but find it difficult. That's why I said, that depends.
Come up with a second one, with less number of words engrossing us into the taste of Wine.
Cheers :-)
rahul swamiji pravachan mat do bhai....
ReplyDelete@biswa dis is gud bhai....
i liked few lines very very much... though i don't know much about writing and all but felt nice while reading it... so i am takin it as a gud one....coz lines which make you feel better are always gud....tell, what is the point in reading a poem if one doesn't understand its meaning.... i really liked it.... and hope you will write poems like this again...(obiviously with lot of improvements)...
Hello,
ReplyDeleteas usual i liked your writting.but once u get ur soulmate na then your expressions will be more perfect.so all the very best for your soulmate sequel with real experience.
nice poem..i liked it..n its true,1ce u gt ur soulmate ur imagination wud b mre clearer n depth of ur love wud increase..
ReplyDeletesadanand said...
ReplyDeletenice poen man ... good job..it would have been better if u had used ryming words
kums said..
ReplyDeletevery nice poem:-)lines are simple and superb.