New Smile on Old Lips

You meet them somewhere or other, sooner or later, if you are destined to meet.

“Say something nice na…” Deepika said putting the coffee cup down.

“I just realized, you are very beautiful” I said

“Wizened face seems you beautiful, lier…”

“I don’t lie, do I ?”

“Yes always..” She giggled, the sound that is most lovable to me.

Her eyes looked old, but the way she used to look was same, lips were dry but the same smile was floating departing two fleshy folds. Though the skin was wrinkled, She was gleaming.With a glowing yellow aura surrounding her head, she was depicting the presence of a celestial being and mingling notes of ethereal melodies into the quiet atmosphere.

“So”
“So” we spoke overlapped.

Seeing each other we smiled with a renewed vigor. It bestowed on me a glimmer of strength, old bones recalled the days when fountain of youth was showering our lives.

“I never expected this form you”

“What I did?” she said in a very infantile voice.

She was a model of polite restraint. Her style had been very innocent and naïve. Whenever I would get a reason to complain her, she would speak with such innocence, that all my anger get reduced to zero. This behavior endeared her to me.

“You found it difficult to recognize me”

“I was little confused, clouds of three decades befogged the land of reminiscence.”

A breeze wafted through the door and passed caressing her hairs. They look more beautiful when they arrange their hairs. She raked her fingers through her hair and asked me the question for which I had no answer.

“Why didn’t you come to my nuptial ceremony?”

“I can’t remember what had happened”

“Can it be possible?”

“What?”

“That you don’t remember about that day?”

“How is Adi, does he still worship God?, crazy like.”

“Don’t call him crazy” her voice was soft, clear, and gaze was fixed on the road, that was seeable through coffee shop’s transparent glass.

“I know, I know…you like this craziness. In fact you fell in love seeing his devotion to God right ! ”

“Why to talk over my life only, time has come to address your life.”

“About me, good question”

“I was born with a paper, At the age when no one knows writing, I spent all my time watching that, when I learnt writing, I tried writing on it but couldn’t succeed, One day I asked God, he said ” It’s meant to read not to write, when your soul will be satisfied with any worldly thing then it will appear automatically on this paper, The day you get the paper filled, understand that you have found everything you deserved."
"Unfortunately, the paper is still blank”

“Where is that paper?” she asked making her face very serious

I tore a part of tissue paper and gave her

We both laughed out loud.

When she was a woman of jovial nature. The atmosphere had to be convivial. Her presence was conveying an aura of elegance and gentility.

“Life would have blossomed flowers of different colors with her jocund company” a thought gleamed in my mind.

“How about your espoused life?” she asked
“She answered the last call, leaving me with two off springs”
“You mean twins”
“Yes”

She could have said how bad she felt, knowing my wife’s death. But she didn’t do, because our relationship stands on very clear and honest thoughts. We never try to please one another, but at the end we are pleased. Colors of relation never fade out if people believe in doing things rather showing things.

“Didn’t you tie the knot with someone else?”
“Bringing stepmother for my own blood was difficult thought to deal with.”
“I must salute, for how you took care of both Children”
“It’s no big deal, life teaches when you need anything from it”
“How many children you have”
“One girl”

The waiter arrived with two cup coffees. The sweet odor of fresh brewed coffee, and her sweeter smile had everything to make my heart young.

“How Adi as a partner?”
“Not so good”
“Why? What he did?”
“One day he called from office, and told me he is not happy with anything. I consoled him saying positive things, he hung up abruptly.”
“I waited him, sitting alone with my small baby sleeping beside me, but he never came back. Later I heard from people, he was seen near Himalayas wearing saint like clothes among tonsured monks. ”

“I don’t understand what to say? This is really sensitive, better if we not discuss”“
I never discuss him with any body, I could have lied presenting a happy picture infront of you, but lying you doesn’t make any sense because I know your heart will not laugh on my stupid decision that has engraved lines of pain in my heart ”
I held her hands with mine and looked her eyes.
“what are you looking at?”

“I am surprised, your eyes are not wet. I remember the girl shedding tears on small small things”

Her eyes were glistening but this is how we should deal with.

“You have become strong” I added

“Pains are heavier than every other thing that makes up this cosmos. When pain dwells in your heart prolonging the agony, it increases the containing capacity, when goes away this leaves you with more capacity in heart, the good side of this is you get the ability to hold more pains in heart, and the bad side is you need more happiness to get your heart filled.”

“Philosophy !! great”
“Yes my taste of books has been changed ”
“Wow! What about your detective novels”
“Actually, you were right”
“In what way”

“You used to give lectures on philosophy, remember!!
We are not blind without knowing philosophy
Yes we have eyes and we know what to see
But we don’t know how to see, and how to enjoy seeing
Philosophy never teaches, it guides, To live a life of reason we seek knowledge of existence, values of mind and the understanding of the language of universe ” she said animating her hands as I used to do some years back.
“You were true, I agree with you” She added.

“I am seeing a mixed version of you”

“What do you mean, Mr?”

“Some of you have changed, and some haven’t”

Every day things change in this world, so we are. You are seeing thirty springs change on me, if you were with me, then you wouldn’t have felt this because we change with people everyday.
“It seems you have mastered in philosophy”“

Why you were not with me, when I needed you,” she looked at my eyes, and put her hands on my hands, eyes were complaining and asking me so many questions
My fist tightened in reflex, her soft hands hid in my hands, and our hands locked. A small drop of tear dropped from her eye.
She threw my hand to air

“Where were you breaking all the contacts, you just lost”
God is the savior,
A school bus passed by the road, small kids seen donning school uniforms, some were seen licking ice creams, some were punching one another and some waving their hands and showing tiny teeth to us.

A few wispy memories of childhood flashed into my consciousness.
“You remember our school days”“

Of course not, who remembers things from that time ”

“What ? you don’t remember” a bit of anger in my voice.“

Yeah baba…., I do remember”

“Those math classes”
“Those poetry classes”
“Those History classes”“

You remember all the subject names”
“No”
“and our teachers”

“Not all but yes, I remember your brother teaching us poetry, what live like explanation, what voice, when I recall those words, my blood gets stirred” I said
“what about your brother?”

“He has grown older than me”

“I still remember those days, emptying your tiffin boxes without your knowledge. ”
“It was fun, we had a great time”

“Yes of course, I always miss those days. ”
“Why life does not remain simple”
“Life is simple, if you understand it. It seems complicated where you don’t understand it.”
Because we never get a chance to talk with our own life, people around us talk to our life, and we always listen from it. We have one thing in our hand, whom to choose to talk with our life.

“What’s the best solution for this”
“When second self of you is chosen to talk with your life, then life behaves as it has to”

“How do you know so much about life”
“Because I have been living different lives”
“Sometimes I don’t understand you”
“May be because, I always understand you”
“You haven’t changed a bit, same philosophical sound”
“What are you? If you are changed” I said animatedly

“What about your novel, did you get that published?”
“No, IT world drank all my pen’s ink”“
What about your painting”
“IT world dried all my colors” She said

We both laughed. Two ancient hearts swayed in merriment.

“What we did in our life?”
“We spent our life by dreaming , sometimes for our family, sometimes for us but never tried to put a step forward”

“We always criticize our ancestors for living same monotonous life, but we do the same thing, and give a reason to our predecessors to laugh at us.”

“Actually the path of dream is very slippery, to run on the path we need some one who knows when to stand before us, when to hold our hands.”

“By the way it was you, who had lost”
“Yes, but I had to”“

Why!!! When didn’t I understand you?”
“No, Nothing because of you”
“Then…”
“It’s a strange consequence”
“For these years, I have been trying to find out, why you disappeared from my life from the day of my marriage”

“March 23, 1980”
I was in deep sleep, my cell phone rang continuously, when I picked up the call, your brother was at the other end. He asked me to meet him immediately. I thought he had some work regarding your marriage. Marriages are known for different arrangements.

“There is a thick friendship between you and my sister right?” your brother asked
“yes, everybody knows that” I replied
“but everybody doesn’t know you stealthily love her”
“how can you say that?”
“Because I have read your email”

It surprised me, how come Deepika’s brother got to read my e-mail which was sent specially to her.

“Have you hacked your sister’s e-mail account”“
I am a school teacher, do I know hacking?”
“Ok…Ok…. I have sent, but does it say I love her ”
“Not exactly, but the words are screamingly saying about your feelings”
“Now you are manipulating things”

“I am a poet, I know which word comes from which lane of heart”
“Meet my eyes and say you don’t love her” he added
“What if I do?”
“I want you to disappear from her life”
“That’s great! How can you decide some one else’s life”
“She is related to me, I am concerned about her happiness”
“Don’t I?”

“I don’t know and don’t want to know”
All that I know is you have feelings for her, if you stay in her life, One day your feelings will come crossing all boundaries, and it will ruin the happy life of my sister.

“I assure you no such things are going to happen”
“You can’t be trusted on this”
“Every one said the same and everyone did the other”
“What if I disobey you?” A protest in my voice
We both felt silent for a while, your brother’s eye got wet, tears rolled down, he folded his hands and requested me to go away.

It was very difficult to take any decision, my teacher was standing in front of me with folded hands, and the demand was my life’s happiness. The massive power of loss made my legs paralyzed, but I had to walk out.

I forced myself to believe “Relations are made to be broken,”

I sacrificed my happiness, and never showed my face to any one known to you.
In these years I read a lot to know as much I could about friendship and love.

A tear trickled from the corner of her eye, moistening the callused cheek beneath.
“I am shocked !” Deepika said
“But I didn’t understand, how your brother got to read my e-mails”
“ I was little busy for my impending wedding, so I had asked brother to scan my mails”

“Do you love me?” she asked
“Of course I do”

“Hmmm….. you never told me”
“Yes I love you, but don’t bring the definition from spicy movies or cheap novels.”
“Then you define”
“Loving somebody doesn’t mean owning,
It’s not an unique feeling, but it has unique style
Because everybody has this feeling but the style of expression differs”
“When opposite sexes meet, they search out a suitable nest and excavate a small nuptial chamber to start a new colony, this is how it goes and this is how it will go, no body thinks out of the colony.”

“Not very clear”

“Our body contains part of the divine sources, when these parts see similar kind of things in another body, a blissful feeling comes into picture. We come to understand each other, basically we feel for each other, that’s love. It doesn’t mean staying under one roof and bringing children to the earth. Love is not enjoying one another, it’s meant to enjoy together, every moment of life”

“I agree” she said smiling

“I know you will, after all our thoughts are alike, our dreams are alike, though we are not same, but we are similar”

“And these similar objects distanced so many years because of your silly decision” she teased me

“It was not mine,….”I said with trembling lips

“Why to discuss past,
bygones are bygones
let’s go” she interrupted me

We both came out from the café, I felt something in my hand, when I opened, it was the same tiny tissue paper, It had a line written

“Deepika Loves you”

When I moved my eyes, my heart beat just stopped, her eyes were fixed on me, and from the other side, a bus came in light speed and crushed her. I was speechless seeing her untouchable by the charabanc. The bus just passed through her body.

She looked at me and we both laughed and laughed and laughed.

A gust of wind blasted against the coffee shop, slamming the door shut with a loud noise. Moon was shining in all it’s harvest glory. Moonlight gave us a lurid luminance, and we disappeared.

“Some relations never speak their own holiness”
-Biswajit Sundara